"Do you love him?"
One of our common friends asked me this question way back when my husband, Jay, and I were still in a boyfriend-girlfriend status. I do not actually know the reason why he asked it, maybe because he knew that both of us were having relationship troubles before we got together. I was left hanging in the air by my former boyfriend (and later I found out that he was already dating another girl) and my husband was feeling rejected by the girl he was courting. Maybe our common friend just wanted to make sure that Jay and I are being together for the right reasons.
So, I answered him through my Friendster blog. But since blogs in Friendster are already gone, I'd be happy to share to you my answers in this blog.
Enjoy reading!
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"Do you love him?"
Yes, I do. I love Jay. No hesitations. No doubt. No regrets. How would you know if you really love a person? Do you feel it or do you decide on it? Is it supposed to come from the heart or from the head? I had this belief before that love is both a feeling and a decision. But when Jay came along, I realized that love is more than a result of emotion and rationalization. Love is a complete celebration of another being's personhood. It is wholeheartedly bringing out the best in one person. It is being an inspiration for someone to reach his or her dreams. It is God's instrument to provide hope, joy, and endless faith, not only for yourself, but for someone else. It is being happy for another person's happiness, even though it means you're not a part of it, because you know that in the end, you would be happy anyway.
Love is not all about "me". But mostly about "him' or "her".
I instantly knew that what I had for Jay must be love when I learned that he loved the girl he was courting. Though I had the urge to make him stop being a martyr to that girl (because he eventually found out that she liked someone else), I still prayed to God that if that girl was the reason for his happiness, may He provide it to him. I really meant that prayer. I had been heartbroken several times before and I did not want him to go through the pain of being rejected. Seeing other people hurt, especially my friends, also brings pain to my heart. Other girls would just pray to give Jay to her instead because he is a kind, responsible, God-fearing, and of course, handsome guy. But I did not hope that, even though deep inside me, I long for someone like him because he seemed to be the type of guy who would not hurt a girl like my former boyfriends did to me. But I did not want to see him sad to be with someone else he does not love. I wanted him to be happy with someone he loves.
I instantly knew that what I had for Jay must be love when I learned that he loved the girl he was courting. Though I had the urge to make him stop being a martyr to that girl (because he eventually found out that she liked someone else), I still prayed to God that if that girl was the reason for his happiness, may He provide it to him. I really meant that prayer. I had been heartbroken several times before and I did not want him to go through the pain of being rejected. Seeing other people hurt, especially my friends, also brings pain to my heart. Other girls would just pray to give Jay to her instead because he is a kind, responsible, God-fearing, and of course, handsome guy. But I did not hope that, even though deep inside me, I long for someone like him because he seemed to be the type of guy who would not hurt a girl like my former boyfriends did to me. But I did not want to see him sad to be with someone else he does not love. I wanted him to be happy with someone he loves.
So all I could do was to shield myself to further fall in love with him and to accept him only as a friend. Anyway, he was being a good friend to me and I did not want to ruin that friendship.
I lift up my prayer when Jay was on a weekend vacation, away from me. I refused to call or text him because I thought that he needed that vacation to also reflect on his love problem.
It was a big mystery how we ended up with each other. All I remember was when Jay got back from the vacation, he started date and court me. And the rest is history. I guess, God just answered my prayer because whenever I see Jay now, I see happiness in his eyes.
And I think God also gave me a bonus gift for being selfless. He gave me Jay.
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Jay was also asked by our common friend if he loves me. When I asked him about it, he said he just answered, "Yes" with a happy smile. Just that. He may have a story to tell about it, who knows. All I know is when he happily smiles, it says a lot.
How about you, how did you know that what you felt for your husband is love?
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